Grief from cat death Options

[wayjo]

Hi folks,

I am kind of holding my hands out for some help with my grief. This may be the wrong place to post so I apologise now if this is not appropriate.

My cat, Taffy, died yesterday. She was 14 years old. Very loving, silly cat and she was daddys little girl :O)

She would meet me at the door when I got from work and meow like she was telling about her day. This was a lot more than I ever get from my sons and wife. She was always pleased to see me and needed me to interact with her.

A couple of months ago she fell very ill. Although we didn't know it at the time she had gone into a diabetic coma. We also found out later that she had severe kidney failure. After a night of being on a drip, a nice big shot of insulin and some steroids to slow down the kidney failure. She came back home and seemed to improve quite a lot. She was almost normal. We had regular visits to the vet to monitor and advise. Money was no object really even though we have no money. Insurance only goes so far too.

She stopped eating 2 weeks ago apart from the occasional interest in some fishy bits. The vet said to give her what she would eat as much as possible but her interest in food fell away completely. We took her to the emergency vet at 2 in the morning. We found out that she was no longer diabeticso the insulin shots we were giving her were not really helping. There are different sorts of diabetes apparently. She had an injection which would take 3 days to take effect. I can't remember what it was for now. She did pick up a little bit so we gained some confidence.

When we woke up yesterday morning I found her obviously in a great deal of pain. She had vomited blood, and had also passed black sticky stuff. It was obvious from the vomited blood that she had been bleeding internally but I found out today that the black sticky faeces also indicated that. She had passed the same stuff when she first got ill. If only I had know then.

When I found Taffy yesterday, I got down to her level, stroked her and spoke to her lovingly. She meowed at me frantically. After a few small complete body spasms she had one last huge body spasm and she was gone. I was glad I was there at the end for her. I was worried I would not be when the time came.

Cat's die. Everything dies. I know that. But my grief is consuming me. Could I have done a better job for her? Should I have stayed awake all night with her? Was there no chance anyway? Was someone or something else to blame? Loads more of this type of question. She was my only uncomplicated delight in this world and not only has she died but I do not have her support any longer.

I know I have to just get through the grief but it seems that nobody around me cared as much as I did or do.

It says a lot about us humans when ones cat is your best mate. Nothing could replace my Taffy and I'm sure it's the same for every cat owner. Nothing is as good as your own cat.

Perhaps just sharing these events with other cat people will help me enough, but any advice would be very much appreciated.

cheers
wayjo

[Herbert]

Hi wayjo!

I know exactly how you feel, because I've been there before - several times. It hurts like hell, doesn't it?

And everyone around you thinks you're being a 'drama queen', and you're 'over-reacting' - and so you quickly learn to say nothing because you realise they don't understand the loving and subtle communications you enjoyed with your cat over so many years.

One thing I learnt to do to fill the painful vacuum was to adopt another cat as soon as possible. A new cat is a tonic and a therapy as nothing else can be.

Regards,
Herbert

[Muffy]

I am sorry to hear of you girl's death. Nothing I say is going to make you feel better but time will help & you will always remember her with love & fond memories.

[ChocolateDots]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[wayjo]

Hi everyone,

many thanks for your responses. It has certainly helped me a bit.

cheers
wayjo

[Zoe]

waygo, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I truly understand how you feel.

There is an excellent article entitled 'Living with the loss of your Cat' on Cats of Australia website written by Rita Bruche. http://www.catsofaustralia.com/coping-cat-death.htm

It offers comfort and advice on how to cope with grief after losing your cat.

I strongly recommend you read it.

[Anne65]

Hello, I am new here and am just reading some of the posts. I came across yours and I wanted to express my deepest sympathy. It is never ever easy losing someone we love. Be it animal or human. Our pets become part of our family and we grieve as we would a human (maybe more at times). Yes, everything leaves this world. We must all cross over when our time comes. I believe your baby is doing just fine and one day you will be together once again. I realize it has been two months, but if you are still having a difficult time, here is a website for a pet grieving support group. Please join it. You will find more comfort. Did you do everything you could? Yes, I believe you did. Please don't blame yourself. Here is the site:

http://www.pet-loss.net/

Anne

[ms_NRussianBlue]

I suddenly lost my 9yr old last month, he suffered a heart attack from a heart mumur. He slept with his head on my pillow every night. I totally understand your loss, not really ever having dealt with death I am not sure how to be. Its very distressing. It might sound funny but I have apicture of him on my desktop at work and I talk to him all of the time. I love him still and it makes me feel happy to know he had such a good life. So looking at his happy picture allows me peace with him.

[itsme]

So sorry to hear for your loss. I am so attached to all 8 of our cats that I will be devastated the day something happens to them.

[george]

I'm so sorry to read of your loss wayjo. I'm new to having a cat - I adopted my lovely boy George only a month ago and he is now nearly 16 weeks old.

However my partner and I lost our little Dachshund last year to a rare Mycobacterium infection, he died in our arms on the way to the animal hospital from a brain seizure. Our grief has been so consuming, we don't talk about it much anymore, but we still long for him and think of him and love him.

It is awful when it happens and it gets easier with time but the grief never does truly go away, particularly if they have been a big part of your life, or in your life for a long time.

I think it is apart of grief to go over things that happened, and to say we tried to do our best or we should have done better - we think that of our doxie, we should have put him to sleep 2 weeks before he died, but we wanted to give him a chance and he took it out of our hands.

No-one can replace our lost pets, just remember them fondly and with love and know that they would know that you did your best for them.

[kittenmitten]

so sorry to hear of this loss, I just lost my beloved 15 year old girl in a similar fashion 2 weeks ago, and miss her terribly. Hopefully you can let another little furry one into your life, she certainly will not replace your girl, but we often find our furry ones send another lost soul for us to care for when we least expect it

[bengaldolls]

I found this beautiful poem for you - hope you like it :
I’m Still Here

Friend, please don’t mourn for me
I’m still here, though you don’t see.
I’m right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.

My body is gone but I’m always near.
I’m everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I’ll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.

I’ll never wander out of your sight-
I’m the brightest star on a summer’s night.
I’ll never be beyond your reach-
I’m the warm moist sand when you’re at the beach.

I’m the colorful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I’m the beautiful flowers of which you’re so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.

I’m the first bright blossom you’ll see in the spring,
The first warn raindrop that April will bring.
I’m the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you’ll see that the face in the moon shine is mine.

When you start thinking there’s no one to love you,
you can talk to through the Lord up above you.
I’ll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you’ll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.

I’m the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I’m the smile you see on a baby’s face.
Just look for me friend, I’m every place!

[stevemarker]

So sad! sorry...
I'm missing my old kittens right now! :(

[stewart]

I cry everytime my cat pines for her brother..I thought this would be a place to place my grief??

[Herbert]

I cry everytime my cat pines for her brother..I thought this would be a place to place my grief??

Only just this last year I brought home a brother and sister from the same litter - 6 weeks old.

It's 10 months on now, and their devotion to one another is a beautiful thing to see.

If one of them should die, I think I would distract the other by bringing home a very small kitten for it to find some solace with. Perhaps a small kitten of the same appearance as the one who has passed on.

I know your grief, Stewart. Just bear in mind that all things pass eventually, and you'll recover your composure and once again enjoy your cat-ownership as you did before.

I bought an A4-sized picture frame just recently to make a montage of the cats I've owned over the past 20 years. It's going to go up on the wall in the lounge-room as a sort of shrine to these furry critters that gave me so much joy (and heartache!).

[lynh]

Hi Wayjo,

What better place to go to express your grief than a place like this with people who know almost exactly how you are feeling and understand the depths of your grief?

Don't beat yourself up about "What if.....". You do your best with love and compassion, and often we never know if we've done the right thing. You were lucky enough to be with your cat in his last few minutes. Please rest assured that he knew he was loved and would have been calmed by your presence.

I've been sitting here reading your post and all those following with the tears streaming down my face, for you and your loss, for the others, and remembering the cats I've had and lost down through the years, and missing them all over again. Only this morning on another forum I wrote that my cats aren't "just cats", but they are my family and have given me more love and loyalty than most of my immediate family ever have. It sounds as if it's been much the same for you.

I do advise you to get yourself another cat as soon as you feel up to it. If you aren't up to a kitten, there are SO MANY needy teenage, adult and elderly cats who desperately need forever homes and will return your love and care 100-fold. Giving a home to a cat in need would be a tribute to your lost little one and you will love him or her just as much, and he or she will help you fill what feels like an empty place in your heart. It's not empty though, you'll find as time starts to heal that it's filled with love and memories of the cat you have lost.

Keep in touch and let us know how you're going. Take care of yourself.

Lyn.........

[shellbee70]

Hi Wayjo,

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I know the grief of losing a much loved pet, and you're not being a drama queen or over reacting. I would be beside myself if I lost either of my girls, and although they are only relatively young at three years old, I know losing them will be inevitable, but I'm not looking forward to it.

It sounds like your girl was much loved, and could not have had a better owner. I would suggest getting a new kitten...this isn't going to replace your girl, but it may help the pain a little.

Take care

Michelle

[CeilingCat]

Wayjo,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you did everything you could for your little baby. Things like this happen and it's only natural to look back and think what you could have done better. The deepest apologies from my heart and I hope everything will be alright with you!

[Panda Azura]

i'm so sorry for your loss :(

I lost 4 of my boys in the last 3 weeks..
Gizmo, was 10+ years old and had heart issues from the day i brought him. I've known he would go suddenly for a long time and I was devastated when i found him. He was my baby and I miss him so much :(

Then Harley & Eli were stolen out of the cat run. They cut the lock and took them :(
unless they are taken to a vet or pound or shelter, i have no idea how to find them :(

and then Gizmo (2 was already named when we got him and we suck at renaming pets) developed a urinary tract infection and died the night before we were going in to get him more antibiotics :(

pet keeping really sucks sometimes :'(

I'm sure you did everything you could for her.
I know how easy it is to make yourself feel like you didn't do enough :(

[fleabag]

It doesn't seem fair that cats don't live as long as we do ..and no matter how long they live it is never enough ..in fact the longer they are with you the closer the bond ..
Missing them and feeling sad is perfectly normal and I reckon most of us here have experienced it.
We understand ..feel free to vent and whinge and regret all you want ..it is NEVER easy...